So I’ve been struggling to write for the past few weeks. I feel like I know exactly how I should feel. Where my emotions and mind should be at, and how I should be acting. I know that right now the ‘normal’ thing would be if I were stressing out and completely doubting myself, I should be dreaming about the fight and all the good and bad ways it could end. But the truth is, I’m not. And no matter how hard I try to make myself nervous, convince myself it’s there I’m just subconsciously suppressing it, or say that once “insert significant event” happens it will kick in; my track record begs to differ. Despite being told and witnessing several times the way this journey is meant to play out, it’s just working a little differently for me, and that’s kinda just the way life works. So ultimately it’s again become apparent that this tiny little portion of my life is serving as this crystal clear metaphor for life and the big wide world out there. No two people ever have the same experience. Everyone’s past experiences, chemical breakdown of their brain and body, morals, beliefs, goals Percolate through to all actions and reactions and impact the way events are perceived and handled. It’s the thing that has allowed humanity to develop into such a diverse, creative and always growing mechanism. This ‘oddity’ is actually A-Okay, actually is awesome. It’s what allows one single image to speak to hundreds of thousand people in an entirely unique and individualized manner. It’s the reason for the incredible path of humanity, from the creation of timeless pieces of art, to advancements of cars and the evolution of medicine. It’s this anomaly of the experience that allows for us all to live completely unique and fascinating lives. And as corny as all of this sounds, and something I’m sure we all know it’s only just revealed itself to me in such a tangible manifestation and just really hit me right in the feels so I felt like sharing…
So you know what, f**k it. F**k if you think that I’m bullshitting you, or I’m some reckless, arrogant teenager, just because I’m not freaking out. I’ve been working so hard to overcome this anxiety I’ve experienced my whole life that it seems so idiotic that just a week ago I was trying to make myself nervous and scared. Just because you hear everyone go on about how its good, and you need the fear to train hard, be successful, to win; doesn’t mean it’s right for me.
I’ve finally let go of ‘am I doing enough?, too much?, eating perfectly?, sleeping perfectly?, doing the right recovery?, and more and actually decided to listen to the coaches (go figure right?) and trust the process. And that right there is a massive revelation for me. The fact that I now am actually taking ownership of what I am doing and not only trusting the process laid down by the coaches but trusting my own judgment in listening to my mind and body is definitely one for the history books. It’s a skill that will surpass this fight and will really change my life in the long run.
Moreover, the last 7 weeks have been ‘fight camp’ in all their glory! Since the beginning of Phase two we’ve done some sparring, been thrown around like the bait we were in shark tank (ooh-ha-ha), were put into teams (#BlueTeamsBest) and finally got our match-ups. Training has hit in full effect which has seen me feel incredibly energetic, fit and happy as well as see me put my phone in the fridge (several times) and crashing out at 11 am. I’ve honestly never felt so tired, but I believe it’s teaching me great things about the total awesomeness of our bodies and the things we can do as long as we’ve got a sharp mind. Which so far I’ve got ticked off!
And once again if these ‘normal’ feelings do finally hit within the next 3 weeks I will welcome them with open arms, but for now, I am sooooo ok with being chilled. I’m happy having 100% of my mind to focus on what I can do from now until the fight to give me the best chance possible. And people will disagree, and that’s their right, but I’m currently cool, calm and collected and plan on staying that way.
So with that,
Tata for now and thanks for reading!
P.s. Tickets for the finale are available here. It will be an incredible night that you don’t want to miss! So get on them fast and I’ll see you there!!!